immaturity.::.ignorance

Please STOP w/the hate mail.

Any person has the privilege of disagreeing with me (and anyone else for that matter) on any subject. I’m more than happy to have a respectful conversation about it if you’d like, but really…PLEASE stop bashing me for what I believe. This is something that will get me to lose respect for you instantly.

Before I stand behind anything, I do my research. I’m a very in depth & passionate person that educates herself before making a stand on ANY issue.

I never said you had to agree with me about anything, I’m simply sharing information. If it pisses you off DON’T LOOK AT IT or approach me respectfully please.

If you choose to de-friend me via the interweb and/or in the real world for my convictions; you do that. I won’t be crying about it.

Educate yourself with more than one resource!

Thanks. Have yourself a wonderful superb day.

immaturity.::.ignorance

Please STOP w/the hate mail.

Any person has the privilege of disagreeing with me (and anyone else for that matter) on any subject. I’m more than happy to have a respectful conversation about it if you’d like, but really…PLEASE stop bashing me for what I believe. This is something that will get me to lose respect for you instantly.

Before I stand behind anything, I do my research. I’m a very in depth & passionate person that educates herself before making a stand on ANY issue.

I never said you had to agree with me about anything, I’m simply sharing information. If it pisses you off DON’T LOOK AT IT or approach me respectfully please.

If you choose to de-friend me via the interweb and/or in the real world for my convictions; you do that. I won’t be crying about it.

Educate yourself with more than one resource!

Thanks. Have yourself a wonderful superb day.

lost and found

The human race is confusing & complicated. It’s my belief that we live a life opposite of how we were created to live and we have no one to blame but ourselves.


Reflecting on my actions alone, I’ve determined that I myself am a living definition of confusing & complicated & let’s not forget crazy.


When I take a moment to actually pause and look outside the little bubble I’ve created, I’m able to see people that are struggling every single day. Living real life tragedies and challenges of their own. And, for whatever reason so many of us are unable to verbally communicate what we need from the people we love. Instead, in those moments, it seems that the only thing we’re capable of thinking in our mad whirlwind of a brain is…how the heck we’re even going to get through our own circumstances…so much so that we cannot even begin to think about how we can be of service to someone else who may need us. We shut ourselves in. This of course is my opinion based on my own experiences.


My purpose in life has been clear for some time now, but for some reason & only in the last few weeks, I find myself stuck and unable to move forward in a productive & positive manner.


For the first time in my adult life I’ve hit a point of negative thinking which has begun to consume me. It’s rapidly devouring the light within me and creating a blanket of anger, confusion and pain. All of which I brought upon myself because I decided to let a few people’s opinions and comments flood my being. I allowed this to happen. It was my choice. These are people I consider family. I love and cherish their friendships. I could do nothing but accept their hurtful words and actions as they shattered my heart into a million pieces. I latched on to their judgments and let it eat away at me. Now what? How do I move on in a positive mindset and let it all go?


It took a nervous breakdown and a long overdue accountability call with my dear friend Averil, for it to become very apparent to me that I had lost something very important. It’s called FAITH. I cannot tell you when I lost it, because I had no idea it had gone missing. She reminded & encouraged me to let it go & give it to God. She spoke so many words I needed to hear as I sobbed uncontrollably. She brought me comfort and even though she is miles away, I could feel her arms hugging me lovingly, perhaps it was the Holy Spirit I could feel embracing me.

So many people I love dearly are at this point in their lives. A crossroad. I can see it and yet I’m unable to help, so I refrain from doing anything at all. This is not my character and I know it’s wrong of me to not extend my love. We’ve all let the negativity lead us further away from each other and the one guy that can help heal our brokenness. We’ve created our own walls and shut each other out. It’s easier, right???


Averil and I talked about how we were never meant to live this life alone, but for some reason, we as people continue to push each other away when we need each other the most. Is it out of fear of being judged and/or rejected? Selfishness? Both? I’m not really sure, but I realize there will be moments in our life that we will need be prepared for a mental battle like none other & let our pride dissolve so we can reach out and ask for help or learn to walk away from people that are not moving us closer to God’s plan for us.

To actually open up to someone and be completely truthful with how I’m doing is not easy for me. In fact, it’s one of the most difficult things for me to actually do. Maybe it’s because of past scars. I’ve found that if someone genuinely asks me “How are you doing” and pauses for my response they are most likely to hear an honest answer spoken from my lips.

In my own selfishness I tend to believe that those questions don’t happen often as I’m usually the person that everyone comes to when they need strength, comfort, and peace. Being there for people is something that I love actually. I feel blessed that I can be something to someone in a time of need. At times though, I allow it to shape as a burden to me which is so very wrong and I apologize for such embarrassing behavior. Every now & then I use my strength as a crutch and it sickens me. I recognize it & I’m working on shifting my thoughts and actions.


My mind keeps coming back to a recent message my good friend Michael emailed me in response to a past post about my health. I had written about being private about my health because of reactions I get when I talk about my disease. This was part of his response to me.


“do you ever wonder if maybe you sometimes assume everyone is like that because it’s easier? Because making that assumption is kind of a scapegoat to avoid bringing it up to people you love when maybe you could, but just can’t figure out how to say it from your own fear? And maybe because you don’t want to hurt them if you know it will?”

Michael is one of very few that can challenge me in the most loving way so that I’m able to hear and open my heart to growth. Thank you Michael. I love & miss you in my life. I apply your response to my current mental state of mind as well and I’m grateful for your raw honesty and holding me accountable.

In recent months I’ve allowed others into my heart and let them get to know the real me. It’s been scary, but they’ve accepted and loved me unconditionally. In doing so I’ve gained a best friend like never before. One that I pray with daily who never lets me settle for being anyone but who I was created to be. It’s been a refreshing blessing that I promise to never take for granted.


I’m a very spiritual person who has a personal relationship with Jesus. For a brief moment these last few weeks, I lost faith. I tried taking control over my life because it got real scary when I gave God all of the control. Scary, because people I love couldn’t accept the path I decided to take, the one I knew God was leading me on. It’s now that I realize the past few weeks my actions and thoughts were to please man, rather than God. I suppose I needed to take a step back & have a few loving friends give me a love slap to knock some sense into me. Yes, I know better, but I’m human. I’m going to continue making mistakes on my journey with God, but I’m so thankful for the people who have helped me grow and keep me on track.


It’s now that I’m going to give thanks for a few amazing blessings that have helped me through my brief lapse of faith and more.

Lindsey for your wonderful smile, our daily conversations, the inspirational quotes & bible verses you supply me with and our new & growing friendship as we both attempt our best at being patient as we wait for His plan to be revealed to us.

Anthony & Luke for holding me as I sobbed and dried my tears with your humor. You boys along with Tiffany have put up with me daily and always love on me and listen when I need to rant. It’s comforting coming home to your loving faces and warm hugs. I treasure our friendships.

Michael for I’m able to tell you just about anything and you don’t judge me. You always let me know that my happiness is important and your hugs bring me closer to Daddy.

Esther you are my big sister and when I need you – you stop what you’re doing and ask me how you can help. God has blessed you with 3 children that light my darkest hours and bring me to the state of believing anything is possible.

Alisha, Karl, Josh, Hudson & Averil – thank you for checking in on me, listening to me as I fall apart, speaking truth when I didn’t want to hear it, loving me, praying with & for me, making me laugh, and also for your true & kind friendship.

My Resolve Eleven-ers…Melissa, Kevin, Katie, Holly, Cynthia & Brian – You folks are fantastical and are always pouring your love, support & inspirations upon me. I learn so much from you always. I wish we lived closer!!!

My aunt Vilija for always listening and being understanding. No matter what, I know you will always love me and I can tell you anything.

My mother for putting up with my mood swings and sometimes annoying habits. For loving me and always making sure I’m fed, warm and taking my much needed vitamins. I also get to wake up to your daycare kids every morning which brings me such joy to “play” with them as I get ready every morning.

Rebecca & Gina for your always random text messages full of love that come just when I need them and put a smile on my face.

Barb –you and your amazing daughters that always send a burst of joy through my veins. Our conversations always make me laugh, think, or both. I’m always welcome in your home & you make me feel that I’m part of your family always.

Cristy for allowing me to trust you with information and always knowing you’ll be there when I call. You never stop caring for others and have their best interest at heart. #Ninjajunglecats4life

Omar for your ability to bring humor to any situation, but also for your ability to be serious when those conversation are needed & loving no matter what.

Tony for making me laugh when I’m not even in the mood and helping me to forget about anything I’m worried about if only for a brief moment, you also slap da bass like no other big T.

Justin & Chris for making me stop to laugh - reminding me to not take things so seriously all the time. Also for your amazing musical talents that rock & bring us to worship.

Lori for your amazing voice, healing hugs, and tender heart. When you lead us in worship and in prayer God’s love is seeping from you.

Mama Lori for being my prayer warrior and helping me learn to see God’s plan for me and loving me even when I feel I’m undeserving of such amazing love.

Alison & Christen for making me laugh always and reminding me of my strength and encouragement to move forward.

Thanks to all of you that have trusted me to do your hair, play & create. I look forward to it as I not only get to do something I love, but I also get to spend time getting to know you a bit better and loving you so much more.

Thanks best friend for boldly putting me in check daily, praying, and reminding me to put it all at His feet and to trust God as He guides me. For your patience, understanding and overwhelming love. I have learned much from you & I’m looking forward to every tomorrow as we grow into the people God designed us to be.

I’d also like to thank all the people I’ve had the privilege of crossing paths with and so many more I didn’t mention. Whether we are still friends or that ship has sailed, know that I valued the time we had together. Our relationship may have been amazing times or horrible times, but I believe there was a purpose for being in each other’s lives at those specific times. I will take the memories and moments and use them as lessons to fuel my journey. Thank you for everything you were and continue to be to me. My heart will always have a place for you.

You have all taught me something and will continue to do so. As I sit here typing my thanks, I’m filled with such undeniable gratitude and tears fall down my cheeks. God has put such amazing people in my life to learn, love & grow with. I’m so completely blessed.

A few years ago I wrote a promise to God on a piece of paper. It also serves as a reminder to myself what my mission in life is. It reads: “To love all unconditionally with the love He supplies me with. To shine my light so bright into every nook and cranny of our world. Bringing it to the broken and those in need of healing.”

After this past week’s church sermon, I’ve revised my mission statement….

“To love all unconditionally with the love He supplies me with. To shine my light so bright into every nook and cranny of our world. Bringing it to the broken and those in need of healing. To live and love with Jesus as my example so when I reach heaven and meet my maker I will hear him say: Well done, good and faithful servant. Allow my words to reflect my actions with faith, hope & love.”

I need to remember that although it’s not about me, it is important to take care of me - spiritually, mentally & physically so that I can continue loving unconditionally. God has blessed us with community. It’s important for us to maintain a balance and reach out to each other. Safety. Authenticity. Honesty. I want to live out the mission I feel God has led me to. I know I cannot do this alone.


Thank you. Each and everyone of you. Forgive me for the hurt I’ve caused and the judgements I’ve passed. Help me to grow as I also do the same for you. I love you more than my words or actions could ever express, but I will attempt to show you nonetheless.


“Sometimes our lives feel like a whirlwind, but we have confidence in the future because we have a God who rides above the storms.” -Nahum 1:1-7

our mind is a battlefield

Lindsey is my daymaker!! I walked into work & on my desk sat a handmade beautiful love note and a quote to brighten my day! Love love love this amazing positive girl & wanted to share what she left me…

“Our mind is a battlefield. If we feel we have no power over our thoughts, Satan will entrap & defeat us. Instead we can determine to think in godly ways. We constantly make choices. And they originate from our thoughts. Our thoughts become our words and our actions.”

Who knows, maybe Lindsey just brightened your day too! :)

Keep shining your light for you are beyond beautiful. Make this an amazing day.

<3